Politeness and la bise

By the end of this lesson you'll know how to walk into a French shop and leave it politely, how to address people with monsieur and madame, what to do when someone leans in for la bise, and when it's time to move from vous to tu.

Why this matters

In the greetings lesson you learned the words. This lesson is about how they're used. In France, polite routines aren't optional extras. They're how you show respect to someone before you ask them for anything. Getting them right will change how people respond to you, even if your French is still basic.

Monsieur and madame

The polite greeting in France is often bonjour plus a title: Bonjour, monsieur or Bonjour, madame. You don't need a surname. In English, "Hello, sir" can sound stiff or very formal, but in French it's just ordinary courtesy.

With a surname, it's Madame Martin or Monsieur Dubois, shortened in writing to Mme Martin and M. Dubois. Mademoiselle was once used for unmarried women, but it's now old-fashioned for adults, and French government forms dropped it in 2012. Use madame for any adult woman.

The shop routine

Small French shops have a little script, and nearly everyone follows it.

1. Coming in: say Bonjour, madame (or monsieur), even if you're only looking. In the evening it's Bonsoir.
2. Asking: start with s'il vous plaît or excusez-moi if you need to get someone's attention.
3. Leaving: say Merci, bonne journée ! or Merci, au revoir !, even if you didn't buy anything.

The same routine applies at the pharmacy, at the doctor's, on a small bus, and when you enter a waiting room or a lift with a few other people.

When someone wishes you a good day, À vous aussi ! is the easy answer. When someone thanks you, say De rien, or the more formal Je vous en prie.

La bise

La bise is a greeting where two people touch cheeks and make a small kissing sound. You don't actually kiss the other person's face.

It's for friends, family, and friends of friends at a casual get-together. Colleagues in some workplaces do it too. Women often greet each other and men this way, while men more often shake hands unless they're close friends or relatives. How many kisses depends on where you are: two is the most common, but some regions do three or even four. If you're not sure, follow the other person's lead.

In formal situations, and when you first meet someone in a professional setting, shake hands instead.

From vous to tu

You saw how tu and vous work in the subject pronouns lesson. In practice, start with vous with adults you don't know. Young people often use tu with each other straight away, and some workplaces use tu from the first day, while others keep vous for years.

Don't switch without an invitation. The change is usually marked by a simple question: On se tutoie ? Once you've moved to tu with someone, you normally stay there.

What's next

You've now covered the whole first unit. The unit review brings it all together in a written introduction. For a refresher on the words behind these routines, go back to the introductions lesson.